The Cheesecake Hypothosis
by iloveromance
Summary: When Penny offers to buy dinner for Leonard and his friends, the evening turns out completely different than he expected. And maybe that's not such a bad thing... or is it? An extremely AU continuation of the Pilot episode that begins where that episode ended. Please read A/N inside!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This is just something that came to me after I watched the pilot for the first time. I've only seen TBBT a handful of times so please forgive anything that is completely inaccurate or out of character. That being said, this is dedicated to Baroness Blixen and Kristen3 in thanks of their support and friendship! **_

Leonard could hardly believe his ears as he stared at the goddess named Penny. Was she really asking...?

"So what do you say?"

He blinked, certain that he'd descended into another universe. One where the conundrum of time had no meaning.

"A-about what?"

"Boy, you've really got it bad, don't you?"

Leonard turned and glared at his roommate who only smiled in response.

"What is he talking about?" Penny asked. "You're not sick are you Leonard?"

"No, of course not!" Leonard replied. "Sheldon was just... oh never mind. What were you asking me?"

"Well, I wasn't really asking anything. I said dinner's on me so let me just get changed and-."

"You look fine." Leonard said a bit too quickly. And he was amazed at the transformation that came over her. Her face was flushed, making her even more attractive. How could someone become more beautiful right before one's eyes?

It was a conjecture of which he would gladly spend the rest of his life testing.

"Aw... Thanks, Leonard." She replied, playfully punching him in the arm. "So... are we all ready to go?"

"A-all of us?"

At Leonard's stunned look, she laughed sending his hormones into a tailspin. "Of course! What did you think I meant?"

Leonard sighed, trying to hide his disappointment. "Oh, well all right. That sounds like-."

"A terrible idea."

Sheldon's remark made Leonard turn around once more. "Sheldon, that's a very disrespectful thing to say! Penny was only trying to-."

"Ask you out on a date." Sheldon finished, ignoring the stunned looks he received.

"Well, then you two should run along. When a lady asks you out on a date Leonard, it's not polite to keep her waiting."

In a daze, Leonard took his jacket from Sheldon and followed Penny out of the apartment.

"I'm really sorry, Penny." He said as they stood in the hallway. "I don't know what's come over him. I know this isn't really a-."

She looked at him thoughtfully. "Actually now that I think about it, it would be nice to go out on a date. I mean it's been a long time since-." She stopped suddenly and averted her eyes. And for a moment he feared that she might start to cry again.

"I'm sorry. Let's just go, all right?"

"Sure."

He followed her blindly down several flights of stairs. "I'm sorry about the elevator."

He said when they reached the lobby. "It never works."

"Oh that's okay." She said. "Keeps me in shape."

"I thought being a waitress would do that." Leonard pointed out.

"Well, it does, but still..."

"Right..."

An awkward silence followed as they headed out the front door of the building, and

Leonard stopped in his tracks. "What's this?"

"My car."

"But-."

"But what?"

"Well... doesn't the guy usually do the driving?"

Annoyed, she crossed her arms. "God, that is so sexist! You men are all alike!"

"N-no we're not! Believe me, my IQ..."

"Fine, just forget it. Now do you want to go or not? Because I'm driving and that's the end of story!"

Defeated, he sighed. "Okay, let's just go."

They drove in silence until Leonard just couldn't take it anymore. So Penny, Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise! You like surprises, don't you?"

"Um... sure."

They drove a bit more, and Leonard's head was buzzing with ideas and pondering where in the world she could be taking him. Perhaps it was that new Italian place on 54th street. God that place was romantic. Or at least it looked like it from the street. Any place with lights that low was bound to be romantic no matter how bad the food was.

"Almost there." She said as though reading his mind.

"I can hardly wait." He replied, growing more nervous by the minute. They were nearing the strip mall now; a place that had tons of prestigious restaurants and eateries. The fact that he was on a date with Penny was a miracle in itself but to say that he'd been to-well whatever exclusive restaurant she was taking him to-was completely unfathomable.

"Okay, we're here!" She said cheerfully as the car slowed to a stop.

When he looked up, he realized that his worst nightmare had come true.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh God..."

He stared at the huge neon sign before him. He should have known... but he didn't. And now he wondered why he didn't. He should have though... after all, his IQ was well over-

"Coming Leonard?"

He swallowed hard. "Um, yeah. I just-."

"What?"

"Oh... nothing."

"Something wrong?"

"No... Let's just go, shall we?"

As they climbed out of the car and walked across the parking lot to the restaurant he turned to her. "Penny, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Well... Why did you pick this place?"

For a second she said nothing and a terrifying thought occurred to him. For once more he'd said the wrong thing. But to his surprise she laughed.

"What, _The Cheesecake Factory_? I work here, silly! Where did you think we were going?"

He laughed nervously and ran his hand through his hair. "I-I really had no idea."

"Oh... Well, if you'd rather go somewhere else, I suppose we could-."

"No, this is fine."

She took his hand and smiled. "Come on then! I know a great table that you'll just love!"

His eyes narrowed. This woman was definitely odd but her beauty far outweighed her strangeness. And if anyone knew about strangeness it was Leonard.

As they entered the restaurant, the blaring music overhead caused him to recoil.

"What is this?" he yelled.

"It's Madonna!" she replied in a normal tone, proving that the music wasn't as loud as he first thought. And when she began dancing to the music, with little regard for anyone, he forgot all about the inconvenience of being in such a revolting restaurant.

"This is a religious song?" He asked.

She smiled, obviously trying not to laugh at him. "_Like a Virgin_? I think not!"

"But you said _Madonna_..."

"Yeah, the Grammy winning pop star, not the religious figure!"

When his smile disappeared she took his hand and led him to the host stand where a lively young woman stood wearing a mustard and white colored uniform.

"Oh, hey Penny! What's up?"

"Well this is my neighbor, Leonard. I'm treating him to a meal. Leonard, this is Sandra."

Leonard extended his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

Sandra's eyes widened. "Penny, you know that by _meal_, they mean-."

"Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter." Penny said dismissively. Can't a girl do something nice for her neighbor?"

"I guess." Sandra said, heightening Leonard's confusion. But he said nothing.

"Why don't you find a table and I'll be right back?"

"Thanks, Sandra. You're the best!" Penny said. She led Leonard to a rather secluded and dimly lit table, sliding into the booth across from him.

"So, is this okay?"

"Yeah, it's great!" he said, grabbing a menu. "So, what's good here? I mean you should know. You serve the food all day long!"

"Cheesecake." She said simply.

"That's funny." He said with a chuckle. But the chuckle turned into laughter and then near hysterical laughter and pretty soon he couldn't even remember why he was laughing so hard. Suddenly he felt her hand on his arm.

"Are you all right?"

Embarrassed, he picked up his napkin wiping smudges off of his glasses; smudges that weren't even there.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry. You were saying?"

"Never mind. While you were laughing I went ahead and ordered for us."

"Thanks..." he said rather hesitantly.

"I promise you'll love it. It's the specialty of the house."

"I'm sure it's wonderful." He said, staring dreamily into her eyes.

"So, tell me about yourself."

Leonard shrugged. "There's not much to tell."

"Oh come on... There must be! You and Sheldon are two of the most fascinating people I've ever met!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Are you kidding me? You're amazing!"

Leonard was astounded. "_Me_, what about you? You're-."

"A girl from Nebraska who is trying to make it in acting but has had little to no luck at all. That's why I work here and believe me that's the only reason."

"You want to be an actress?"

She sighed dreamily. "More than anything. I've wanted to do this since I was a little girl. My... um... Kurt always thought it was so stupid that I was always going to auditions and so forth but what does he know?"

"I think it's a great ambition." Leonard said.

She lifted her head and looked at him. "You do?"

"Well it's better than being a jerk, like him. I-If you don't mind my saying that."

She groaned. "Oh God, Leonard! I'm so sorry for the way he treated you and Sheldon! I should have never sent you two over there to get my TV!"

"It's all right. We lived through it."

"Why didn't he come?"

"Who?"

"Sheldon. And Howard? And Raj?"

"I don't know... and the stuff that Sheldon said about this being a date... I swear I didn't put him up to that."

Penny smiled. "I know. But thanks, anyway. Oh, look! Our food is here!"

As the waitress sat their meal on the table, Leonard's stomach lurched. Surely this was a joke. But when she began to dig into her food, he realized that it was no joke.


	3. Chapter 3

Staring at the vast array of cheesecake, in every size shape and flavor, he sighed deeply. "I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but where is the rest of it?"

"The rest of what?" She asked, in all seriousness.

"Our meal?"

"Oh, this is it. But you get a ton of it, and it's totally worth it!"

He eyed the plates which held more slices of cheesecake than humanly possible and his stomach lurched once more.

"Um... Penny?"

She looked up from her plate, smiling as she shoved a forkful of what appeared to be chocolate cheesecake into her mouth. And even as beautiful as she was, the sight disgusted him to no end.

Whoever had the bright idea to put those things together must have been completely desperate.

"Something wrong Leonard? You've hardly touched your food."

As he stared at her, he knew that he had no choice but to tell her the truth. To give her anything less would be a tragedy of epic proportions.

"Yeah, actually something is wrong. Something is very wrong."

"What is it?"

"Well... This all looks quite delicious, not to mention tasty."

"Oh yeah, you should try this kind. It's marble cheesecake." She said with a mouthful of cheesecake. Here try some."

He waved her hand away but the fork moved closer to his mouth and he'd barely opened his mouth but a few centimeters when the fork reached his lips and there was nothing to do but enjoy it. The chocolate and cheesecake mixed in his mouth and he had to admit that it was quite decadent. The person who invented this was a genius.

But as he swallowed, he began to panic. Oh God, this was not good at all. As soon as the cheesecake reached his stomach, all hell was going to break loose.

In defeat he put down his fork, letting it fall as it clinked onto the pristine white plate.

"Something wrong? You've hardly touched your food."

"I-I can't eat this. I'm sorry Penny."

"Oh, well that's no problem. There are tons of different flavors. There's traditional strawberry, lemon, caramel..."

The more flavors she named, the more his stomach churned. "Will you excuse me?"

"Sure."

"Um... where's your men's room?"

"Up the stairs and to the right."

"Great, thanks."

He rushed from the table, leaving her alone. He hated doing so, but his stomach was winning this battle. Several minutes later he emerged feeling worse for wear, but he hoped it didn't show. He'd hate to hurt her feelings.

"Oh, you're back. Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. I'm fine." He lied as he sat down. But almost instantly he stood up again.

"Actually Penny I'm not okay. Not at all."

"What is it?"

"This... I can't do this."

"What are you talking about?"

"This..." He said pointing to the plate of cheesecake.

"I don't understand."

"I'm lactose intolerant." He explained, feeling shamed beyond imagination. "There. I said it."

She stared at him for a moment and then her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh God..."

"Penny..."

"Oh God Oh God, Oh God..." She repeated over and over, waving her hands in front of her face as though she was fanning herself. He had no idea what she was doing but it wasn't a good sign. And then he realized that she was crying.

"Penny..."

"I-I'm sorry. I just... I'm so sorry Leonard!"

"Penny, wait!"

But she slid out of the booth and raced out the door, leaving him completely perplexed among a mountain of cheesecake.


	4. Chapter 4

If ever there was a more confusing moment, he knew the odds of it existing were completely impossible. He was merely trying to be honest and yet he'd managed to make a disaster out of his first 'non-date' with a gorgeous woman. And now she was gone. Torn between paying for the meal and simply leaving he opted for the latter and raced out of the restaurant.

His first thought was that she left which lead to another thought. How was he supposed to get home? But when he reached the parking lot he felt a shameful sense of relief as he spotted her sitting on the hood of her car sobbing into her arms.

"Penny?"

Of course she couldn't hear him from this distance and he wasted no time in running to the car. Something was definitely troubling her. And he feared that it was him.

"Are you okay?"

She swung her legs around and slid off of the car, landing like a cat on her feet to face him.

"What happened? Was it something I said?"

Immediately she began to cry, sobbing into her hands. "Oh God..."

"What is it?"

"I'm so stupid!"

"What? No, Penny that's ridiculous! You are most definitely not stupid, so don't even think-"

"But I am, Leonard! What kind of idiot orders cheesecake for a guy who's lactose intolerant?"

"I-Penny, I'm sorry. I never should have said that."

"No wonder you rushed off the way you did! God, I'm so stupid!"

"B-but you didn't know until-."

"Yes I did! Remember? Sheldon mentioned it when I was over at your place!"

"Oh God, he did." Leonard groaned, remembering. "I'm going to kill him! Especially about him saying that I can't process corn!"

She cried even harder, not even noticing the slow and awkward way he took her into his arms and rubbed her back.

"Hey, it's all right. Don't cry." He said, trying not to notice the scent of her perfume. But to not notice would be like not breathing.

Finally she calmed some and drew out of his arms. "I'm sorry. I should have taken you somewhere else. But the problem is that I can't afford anywhere else! Kurt took everything when I moved out. He was so angry and he's such a jackass! And that's when I got the job here. I wanted to buy you dinner but they only give cheesecake to the employees, so... God, I'm so stupid!"

"Stop saying that, please! You're wonderful! And if this Kurt guy can't see that, then he's the stupid one! Actually he's stupid anyway, for letting you go the way he did."

She smiled and hugged him warmly. "Thank you, Leonard."

"Now, why don't we finish our meal?" he asked.

"Oh, but what about..."

"I'll deal with it. I think I can handle it now." He said, somewhat reassuringly.

"Are you sure?"

"We'll find out, won't we?" He asked.

They returned to the table and quietly finished their meal. And when it was over, they placed their forks ceremoniously on the plates.

"Well that was a wonderful meal, Penny." Leonard said with a smile.

"Are you... all right?" She asked, hesitantly.

He waited for a second and then grinned. "I think I am."

"Then you'd better let me take you home."

"That sounds like a great idea." He said, smiling as he followed her out of the restaurant.

When they arrived back at their building he stood in front of her door and smiled.

"Thank you Penny. I had a wonderful evening."

"Me too. I'm sorry for freaking out like that. And I'm sorry about the cheesecake."

"No problem. Well... I guess I should be going. Goodnight."

He moved to close his door but was stopped by her hand. "Wait!"

"What is it?"

"Just this."

She put her arm around his neck and pulled him toward her, kissing him the way kisses only happened in his dreams. And before he was ready she drew back and smiled at him.

"Thanks."

He couldn't stop smiling as he watched her turn and go into her apartment. Nor could he stop smiling when he opened his door and stepped inside. As he expected, Sheldon was there waiting for him.

"How'd your big date go?"

"It was... amazing... We had cheesecake."

Horrified, Sheldon's mouth fell open. "Oh God this is worse than I thought! Cheesecake? Leonard you _know_ you're lactose intolerant! What were you thinking?"

Just then there was a knock on the door. "Now who could that be at this hour?" Sheldon asked, crossing the living room to answer the door. "Oh... Penny. What are you doing here?"

She smiled and handed him a small paper bag. "This is for Leonard. Don't open it. He'll know what it's for. And tell him... I'm sorry about the cheesecake."

Confused, he closed the door and turned to find Leonard staring at him as he thrust the bag into his hands. "Here... Don't say I never gave you anything."

"I won't. And Sheldon? Thanks for what you did earlier. I owe you one."

As Leonard headed for his bedroom he smiled, glancing in the bag at the vast array of medications, all formulated to treat those who couldn't process dairy products.

Maybe being lactose intolerant wasn't such a bad thing after all. But he knew one thing was certain. He would definitely eat at the Cheesecake Factory more often.

**THE END**


End file.
